The show opens with a female speaker addressing the audience, asking them to keep their feet and possessions out of the isles, when suddenly, a pack of henchmen burst into the theatre, led by Herr Tod; they take the audience, and the speaker hostage. Herr Tod proceeds to issue his demands, in the midst of which, a commotion breaks out in the darker parts of the audience: it’s Bond, come to save the day!

 

Bond dives into the room and despatches the henchmen. Herr Tod puts a gun to the girl’s head and threatens to kill her if Bond takes another step. Seemingly beaten, Bond asks if he can have one last smoke before he goes down. Herr Tod (foolishly) agrees. Bond pulls out a cigarette and puts it in his mouth: he blows into it, and it fires a bullet, killing Herr Tod…slowly, and comically. The girl runs to Bond and the day is saved – he then fires two shots and the show begins!

 

Overture.

 

ACT I:

 

Bond returns to MI6 where he’s given his next assignment by Moneypenny: a scientist by the name of The Naturalist has been shopping around for high end equipment from some unsavoury vendors. MI6 wants Bond to find out more. Moneypenny then warns Bond about Tiny, Salvatore, and Miss Bliss, the Naturalist’s personal bodyguard. Intel says that Salvatore will be making a buy on The Naturalist’s behalf in Beyreuth. Bond is then directed to Q branch for his gadgets. Q is toying around with a PHERMONE EMITTER. Still irritated with Bond for all the destruction he’s caused on past missions, Q gives him nothing. Bond takes the pheromone emitter and Q’s CELLPHONE just to be cheeky.

 

Bond heads off to Beyreuth where he intercepts the drop and fights Salvatore on train tracks. Salvatore narrowly escapes, but Bond comes away with the COMPONENT.

 

Meanwhile, at The Naturalist’s bee farm a group of investors looking to pollinate their crops discuss prices. The Naturalist, surnamed Mr. Melitto, assures them that his are the best and are worth every sent. Satisfied, the investors close the deal and depart. The Naturalist then monologues about his hatred for humanity because it’s destroying the planet. He vows to save the planet and restore Nature to her pre-eminence. Miss Bliss comes in to announce Salvatore’s return. Suddenly, a loose bees stings Melitto and he starts to go into anaphylactic shock: Bliss has to administer his epinephrine with his EPI PEN. Melitto is ALLERGIC TO BEES. He asks her to keep this information to herself. Salvatore and Tiny rejoin them. Sal explains what happened and how he lost the component. Tiny and Bliss mock him for his failure, and Sal retorts by threatening to kill them. Melitto breaks them up at last and says that Sal lost the last available component...and so a new strategy was in order. They’ll go right to the source: 21 year old genius Pierre LeClé. To Paris!

 

Bond checks in with Q about the component, but there isn’t much to tell except that its creator is Pierre. Bond too heads off to France.

 

At a graveyard in Paris, Pierre, and his sister Magalie (who goes by Audrey because of her admiration for Audrey Hepburn), pay their respects to their departed parents. The Naturalist and his crew enter and offer a unique opportunity for Pierre: to save the world. The Naturalist omits his master plan of destroying civilization (hence, his CONVENIENT LIE), and Pierre willingly comes aboard. Bond comes on the scene and tries to persuade Pierre not to go (and secretly places a TRACKER on him), but his mind is made up. The Naturalist, with Pierre, departs, leaving Bliss to kill Bond. They fight, and Bond gets the better of her, but spares her rather than killing her. He and Audrey then go in pursuit of Melitto and end up in a car chase. The police get involved, but Melitto manages to escape as Bond is halted by a pack of French protesters.

 

INTERMISSION

 

ACT II:

 

Back at MI6, Bond scrambles to find the Naturalist’s headquarters. Audrey, frustrated because no one is telling her anything, demands an explanation. Bond explains who he is and what he does. He then asks Audrey to tell him a little about herself. She says she’s an actor and she loves Audrey Hepburn. They have a moment of connection before Q reports that the tracker Bond placed on Pierre is working well and that they have a location on Melitto: he’s at a manor house in England where there’s also going to be a masked ball that evening. Bond resolves to go alone in disguise and rescue Pierre, though Audrey persuades him to hear her idea...

 

At the manor, Melitto orders everyone to get everything ready for his guests, who stream in as the doors open. Amongst them are Bond and Audrey, disguised with masks. Audrey, seemingly having second thoughts, betrays Bond and turns him in on the condition that she can be with her brother. Bond is shocked. The Naturalist is delighted. Bond is hustled off and Audrey escorted to her brother.

 

Bond is set up in Melitto’s torture device: the GLOBAL WARMING CHAMBER. Melitto explains: the temperature of the chamber will rise, like global warming, and melt the ice on which Bond is standing, causing the tank to flood, thus drowning him. He also explicates his full plan: by amplifying the sun’s solar flares using Pierre’s technology, he hopes to bombard the world with electro-magnetic storms, thereby crippling our electronic equipment and causing total chaos. He leaves Bliss and Sal to watch over Bond as he returns to his party. Bond pleads with Bliss to free him; she responds with a vehement no.

 

In the meantime, Audrey is reunited with Pierre under the watchful eye of Tiny in the master control room. Audrey quietly reveals that she and Bond have come to rescue him and that she pretended to betray 007 in order to get closer. Pierre doesn’t believe her indictment of Melitto and Tiny, suspicious, steps in to make sure nothing nefarious is afoot. Audrey is forced to keep quiet.

 

Back in the global warming chamber, the water level has climbed and Bond is about to be submerged: he says to Bliss that not only did he spare her, but he also saw the look of remorse on her face while Melitto divulged his plot. Bond goes under. Bliss, her conscience getting the better of her, attacks and kills Sal, and then frees Bond. Bond thanks her and asks for her first name. Ample, she says. Bond smirks and they kiss. They need to save Audrey and Pierre, and stop the launch. Bliss has an idea.

 

In the control room, Pierre works away as Audrey sits in silence. Bliss enters and tells Tiny that Melitto is looking for him upstairs. He goes off. Bliss then tells Audrey and Pierre that she’s come to save them, but before she can do anything, Tiny comes charging back in and accuses her of betrayal. Bond enters the scene and then both he and Bliss engage Tiny, but find him to be a formidable opponent. Only after Audrey intervenes, picking up a knife that’s strayed from the fight and plunging it into Tiny’s back, is Bond saved. Tiny dies, but it turns out Bliss was stabbed earlier! With her dying breath, she tells Bond that Melitto is allergic to bees. Pierre finally begins to understand that he’s been duped, and, just as they’re about to leave, Melitto enters and shoots Bond. He then holds Audrey at gunpoint and tells Pierre that if he doesn’t finish the sequence, he’ll kill her. Pierre has no choice but to obey. Melitto heads upstairs with Audrey to see the sky as his plan comes to fruition. Left alone, Pierre starts to panic, but Bond sits up, Q’s CELLPHONE having taken the bullet. Pierre tells him what’s happened and that there’s only 10 minutes till the sequence counts down and the chaos begins. Bond says to keep it running while he rescues Audrey. He dashes off.

 

In the courtyard, Melitto expounds his delight to Audrey, who calls him a madman. Bond enters, gun drawn. Melitto puts his gun to Audrey’s head and demands Bond’s gun. Bond complies, and slides his gun over. Suddenly, a swarm of bees attacks Melitto, stinging him repeatedly. His hands become too swollen and too inoperable to administer his epi pen and he dies. Bond reveals that he attached the PHEROMONE EMITTER to his gun. He and Audrey then charge back down to the control room and abort the launch. The day is saved! Only seconds later, MI6 enters, having been called by Bond to clean up. The world has been saved. Bond and Audrey kiss.

 

The End.